


John Winchester Thought He Was a Good Father: Here's Why

by RacheyEdna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: After death, Death, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen, Impala, Mary's death, Memories, References to Bobby Singer, References to Mary Winchester, References to Young Dean, Reflection, parenting, soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 01:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2172753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacheyEdna/pseuds/RacheyEdna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Winchester's soul (after it is freed from Hell by Sam and Dean) reflects on his success (or lack-thereof?) as a father. He believes he accomplished what he vowed he would accomplish after the death of Mary. What do you believe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Winchester Thought He Was a Good Father: Here's Why

In the few precious moments before his soul disintegrated and was dispersed amongst the rest of the energy in the Universe, John Winchester was able to reflect on his life. Two thoughts entered his head at the same time: "Mary, here I come," and "I did it. I kept my boys alive to the end."

This second thought was constantly the second thought in his mind during the excruciating years between Mary's brutal death and John's own, less brutal death. His first thought was always "I will find whatever bastard thing did this to Mary." But his second thought was "I will keep our boys alive, if it kills me."

_John Winchester was a smart man. He knew what others thought about his methods of parenting. Bobby sure as hell wasn't quiet on the subject. But no one understood, they_ couldn't _understand, the oaths he made daily to his sweet, departed Mary. John swore everyday to find, and kill, whatever it was that took her away from them. From him. He would do whatever it took to track it down and cut off its fucking head, or shoot it through the heart with a silver bullet, or burn it to death or whatever the hell it took to rid the world of its evil. Whatever it took, John would do it. Even if that meant hauling his family back and forth across the country, with no home other than the Impala and random motel rooms._

_The second vow John made to Mary each day was to keep the boys alive, and to keep them safe. To do this, he knew, meant he would have to teach them from early on to protect themselves. If what happened to Mary taught him anything, it was that he alone could not keep his loved ones safe. For Christ's sake, he had been downstairs when Mary was attacked. Right downstairs. John was less than thirty seconds away, and he couldn't save her. If he couldn't save his wife, a grown, capable woman, when he was in the same goddamn house, how was he going to keep a four-year-old and an infant safe? Especially when it seemed that the infant, Sammy, was the initial target of the attack?_

_John knew Sammy wouldn't even be able to walk for at least 6 months, and certainly wouldn't be able to fight for many years. At least Dean was a strong kid, even for a four-year-old. He had his sweet, softer side that he got from Mary, but physically Dean took after his old man: solid and strong._

John's soul could feel the Universe pulling him in various directions, but he held on. He wasn't finished reflecting, yet.

_He could remember that first dawn after the fire. They had nothing. Nearly everything in the house had been damaged by fire, smoke, or water. Everything else was damaged by John's memories. He couldn't bear to look at it. He almost couldn't stand to look at his own children, because they reminded him so much of Mary. But Mary's voice had still been fresh in his mind at that time, and she scolded him whenever he looked away from them in pain._

_After a time, years, really, Mary's voice dwindled from his memory. John had difficulty recalling the tone and timbre of her voice. He sometimes wondered if he would have been a better father if he hadn't let Mary's voice fade away. But then, he still thought he had succeeded as a father. He had kept his promise, had been true to his oath. He'd kept the boys alive._

With that final thought, John Winchester's smile disintegrated with the rest of his soul, and his energy was distributed throughout the Universe. John Winchester, as he had been, ceased to exist.


End file.
